Drive you mad
by Nutt-Beam
Summary: When Honor and Love are what a man must choose between, will he always make the right decision. What encourages the correct decision or the wrong decision. Does jealousy really drive you mad? Egypt. JoeyOCAtem.


_**Roxanne  
you don't have to put on that red light  
Walk the streets for money  
you don't care if it's wrong or if it is right.**_**  
**  
The music started harps and drums sounded as the ceremony began. The Pharaoh sat in his throne as the festivities began. Soon after the music had started in came the dancing girls. The young king's eyes landed on the enchanting beauty of the eyes of a familiar deep brown color, which peaked out through the veil that was tied around her face. The dance began as the girls removed the cloth that was their veils. This one girl who had so enchanted the Pharaoh glanced seductively back at him, before doing a turn, her eyes then resting on myself, I could not bring myself to smile back like I normally would. I was one of the Pharaohs' most loyal guards, yet I have betrayed him in the worst way possible. I watched her as she danced, the way her body moved with the music, she looked as if a goddess, or maybe this was how love made her look. She let slip a smile for her secret lover, me, a smile I alone was the only one to witness, and one I couldn't refuse to smile back to. We had to stay a secret as my Pharaoh has also taken an interest in her. I watched in torture at the one thing I longed for but knew I could not have. I was first loyal to the pharaoh, and he did not deserve this deceitfulness placed on him. I knew of the Pharaohs feelings towards Nuri, he had confided in me, even voiced how he worried that she loved another and I looked him in the eye and told him that it was impossible.

I knew what we were doing behind his back was wrong. But as the dancers started to leave the hall, she shot me a look that said to follow her. I stood up and snuck out of the hall, following her into a deserted room. She greeted me with her soft smooth lips. I kissed her back with as much passion, my hands supporting her at the small of her back as she ran hers through my unruly blonde hair. How I had longed to taste her lips once more.

We pulled away slightly panting for air, she smiled up at me, but I couldn't look at her. I was torn between two things. The Pharaoh was a good friend of mine and had been for years. But Nuri, I loved her with my whole heart; I did not wish to lose either of them. "I should be getting back in there and I'm sure the pharaoh is longing for your company as well." I whispered to her, looking at the ground. Loosening my grip on her and letting my arms fall to my sides.

"You know it is you that I love don't you?" she said forcing me to look into her eyes, those Ra damned eyes, I could never deny them. I nodded and a smile once more graced her lips as she placed them on mine once more.

We parted and after giving me one last kiss on my check she left to go to the pharaoh. Every time this happened, I think I died a little inside. I was torn apart, I wanted so bad to be with her, but I was so loyal to my pharaoh or so I thought I was. I turned and punched the wall behind me and soon after left the way Nuri had previously gone.  
**  
**_**Roxanne  
you don't have to wear that dress tonight  
Roxanne  
you don't have to sell your body to the night**_

This was how it went every celebration, she would dance and he would request her presence with him. How could he not, she was irresistible, impossible to say no too. And she knew it. I walked slowly back towards the throne room where the festivities were taking place. I looked down at the clothes I wore. I was not worthy to be head of his protection when I was plotting an attack on his heart unintentionally.

What would he do if he knew of the secret meetings I had with her? Of the many times I had kissed the lips he kissed, touched the skin he longed to touch. Stared deep into the eyes he claims that plague his dreams. I felt sick to my stomach; I leant out one of the windows of the hallway. Begging my stomach to refuse the food and throw it back out or maybe I'd lose my balance and fall out the window and hurt myself. Anything would be less painful than what I felt now. Plus if I were to fall ill I would not need to return.

I could barley enjoy her company any more, I wanted to so badly and when I looked into her eyes for a split moment the world seemed less complicated like it was only Her and I. But the moment I look away the reality crashes down once more. I have tried so hard to quit her, with other women, burying myself in my duties, taking up more shift, avoiding the two at all costs. She always found me though, I couldn't escape her, I'm not sure if I honestly do want to.

_**His eyes upon your face  
His hand upon your hand  
His lips caress your skin  
It's more than I can stand**_

I slid down the wall so I sat with my back against it, knees pulled up. I would sit here a little while, build up my strength to go in there and watch them both. My skin crawled at the thought. I was mixed up, I didn't want to keep her for myself but I didn't want to watch another man touch her. It took all the strength I had the many times I have had to sit there and watch as he brushed her hair behind her ear, kissed her hand, laughs with her. All the things I wish I could do with her in public. It takes all the strength I have to not lose my calm and do something about it.

I try to avoid these gatherings as much as I can, take over a shift while it's on, say I'm sick or just disappear so that no one can find me to take me. Not this time, Pharaoh Atem had sought me out personally, said I was taking my role as his head guard far too seriously and needed to take some time off. But this was much more exhausting that late shifts and fitful night's sleep. I knew he noticed the changes in me. I avoided everything I used to adore. I avoided him and he was like family to me.

Once I had not been able to avoid him and we became in conversation. He had made a suggestion I should find a wife, settle down and start a family. As he had said these things Nuri had walked past, I saw how he looked at her, until she was out of site his eyes did not leave her figure. I knew at that moment he loved her. I wasn't sure if it was nearly as much as I do, but all the same, love is love.

_  
__**Roxanne  
Why does my heart cry?  
Roxanne  
Feelings I can't fight  
you're free to leave me  
But just don't deceive me  
and please believe me  
When I say, I love you**_

I pushed myself off the wall and took in one large breath of air and walked back into the hall as discreetly as I possibly could. I saw Nuri cast a quick glance my way and then look back at the man before her as he fed her a grape. My stomach clenched once more and he words sounded in my head. 'It is you I love.' I knew she had to do this to keep us a secret, I worried she would soon learn to like it more than being with me. If that time came, I think I would let her go just to see her smile continue. I mean there was nothing wrong with watching her. I prayed she wouldn't leave me though and maybe that is selfish, but it is how I feel.

Her melodic laugh sounded out to me over the procession and chatter that filled the hall. It sounded so cheerful and at peace. I chanced a look at the two and felt my heart droop. They looked right together. Out in the open, no secrets, she could fool and soul with those teasing eyes and tempting lips. But was she acting any more or was she actually falling for him.

I had to take my eyes away from the two before I caused a scene, I desperately looked around for something to busy myself with, take my mind off this all. With no escape I noticed Atem gesture for me to come over to the two. I walked with heavy feat, my heart beat racing inside my chest.__

_**Give you your time  
to do what you're saying  
and if you have to  
and if he has to,  
I won't blame you**_

"Joey, you looked lost. Are you enjoying yourself, much better than taking guard position all night?" He said to me cheerfully. She even made him happy. I could feel her gaze on me but I was too scared to look at her also.

I plastered a fake smile on my face, "Much better, but I feel a bit unsure. One of the newer guards is on now, always nervous when an inexperienced guard is put on night patrol. But I feel that I should focus on keeping you safe my pharaoh with the coming threat." I said forcing out a small laugh._**  
**_

He laughed, "My dear Joey, guarding and battles are not all life is about," He turned to look at Nuri, I could see in his eyes the love he felt for her, "What do you say Nuri, shouldn't Joey greatly consider finding himself someone to love?"

She smiled that smile and turned her eyes to me, "Yes, a life without love is hardly a life at all Joseph." She said looking into my eyes as if trying to reassure me, calm my worries. I looked back at her and a sincere smile passed my lips.

I nodded in respect to the two, and bowing to my friend I excused myself from the night's festivities. I turned and walked out slowly from the hall. I knew what I had to do. I couldn't betray the pharaoh. It was my job to protect him and his family. I could still protect her if she were to…join with him. I walked down out of the castle and to the outside. I went to the post where one of the guards would be holding, planning to overtake but I was distracted by an extra shadow passing by. I looked to where it came from but there was nothing.

I sped up my pace towards where the young guard was stationed. Taking no precautions as I felt an odd sense in the air and upon my arrival my fears were correct. There lay the battered body of a young man who held much potential. I didn't spend too much time in stationary as I couldn't risk it; I instantly turned on my heel and raced back to the palace. Preying to Ra I would be in time.

_**Roxanne  
Why does my heart cry?  
Roxanne  
Feelings I can't fight  
Roxanne  
you don't have to put on that red light  
Roxanne  
you don't have to wear that dress tonight  
Roxanne**_****

I sprinted in to the hall flinging the doors open, all eyes upon me, "There's someone in the grounds, Pharaoh you need to escape, before they-" My words were cut short when I felt a searing pain in my back, I gasp trying to get my words out. I reached around behind and felt the cold metal of a dagger in my back. I knew what was coming, I would die. I reached one hand out towards Nuri, I didn't care anymore I had to say one last thing before I could say no more. My eyes glanced upon her and she rushed from Atem's side to mine, her eyes watering.

"Don't cry please." I struggled to say as I sank down to the floor. Nuri helping me, trying to prevent me any more pain. My attacker had long run off, and I could see other guards trying to get the pharaoh to leave as well. "I want you to be happy, and I know he makes you happy also. I love you and always will, remember that." I said as I felt myself getting weaker.

She grabbed hold of my hand and tried to hold my body up, "Please don't die, I love you, don't leave." She said tears running down her face. I lifted a weak hand to brush away her tears and smiled a small smile, looking over at the pharaoh.

He seemed to understand and brushing off guards made his way to me, kneeling at my side also. "I think I always knew about you two. You were a loyal friend and guard all the same." He said in honesty.

I smiled and tried to laugh a little but couldn't at the pain, "she's all yours, take care of her right dear friend." I asked my eyes drooping; I felt the life slipping away from me. I saw him nod and knew that this was all coming to an end. In a way I was grateful, no more sneaking around and he knew and did not hate me. I felt at peace. "I'll miss you both." And at that the life force escaped me forever.

As I watched them the moment before my spirit passed onto the afterlife. I saw Nuri's reluctance to leave my body, but for a moment she looked up to where my spirit lingered and I knew she understood I wanted her to live on. She gave into Atem's wishes for them to leave in haste and followed him out with the guards protecting them. I smiled once more, she would be happy and I know he will treat her well. I passed on happily, prepared for deaths consequence.


End file.
